A lot has changed, and yet nothing has

Wow, it has been a long, long time since I have posted. So much has happened in that time, and yet so little has occured as well. My life has settled into an interesting kind of limbo, where I am torn, it seems, constantly, between the two "Geoff's" - the "at home" Geoff, and "on the road" Geoff.
I came home in November, fully intending to get my UK visa, and go back over seas to be with Sara. Upon returing home, however, things changed, for both of us. We spent a great deal of time in conversation, and then a while longer in denial, but arrived at last at the conclusion that realistically, we were simply living our lives at a different stage from one another. Sara was looking for stability, security, and was ready to settle. I was none of those things, and no matter how much we liked one another, we simply could not reconcile that separation. I like to be immature, I like the idea of not being tied to anything in life, so that I can drift as the whim takes me...Sara had been there in her life already, and had moved beyond that mind set. I believe I never will, but who knows...
SO, that little trist came apart at the seams...not the biggest blow I have ever taken, but I can't lie...the decision hurt, but it really was for the best. We never would have been able to co-exist with such disparate lifestyle agendas. We are still in contact, and remain good friends, which is actually a first for me...usually when I leave someone, I am like a rat on a sinking ship, the first one to get away, completely, and for good.
Instead of getting my work permits, I applied to Teachers College at home in Ontario, at LAkehead University. All the papperwork is in, it is simply a waiting game now, until April 2nd, to find out whether or not I am accepted. I have a good shot, I think. ALthough my marks are not great (a little above the entry level 70%), I do have an excellent practical profile, with 4 years in-classroom experience behind me, as well as many years coaching volleyball at a local highschool. I hope that it will count for something!
In the meantime, my life has settled into a dull monotony. I work parttime at my old job, and thats it. I need to find another job, but cannot motivate myself to find one. To be fair, though, I do not have a car, and work will be impossible without one, at present. All that will change when I move into a buddies house in Hamilton, where I will be close to many potential work places. I am excited about that move. I think it will shake things up just enough to change this minor funk I have gotten into (nothing like my pre-trip funk, but still there, and growing).
On the bright side, I got skii's for xmas, and have gone to Blue Mountain twice so far, and gotten in some great skiing, and partying...nothing like a ski town to boost ones spirits...there is a certain zest for life in them, an atmosphere that is hard to explain to someone who has never felt it before, but anyone who has, knows exactly what I am talking about. Ski towns are alive with activity...great places to be.
I have spent a lot of time helping my father coach the volleyball teams at Cayuga. That is always fun...a great group of girls, lots of potential. I am having a blast helping out. Without that, I really would be at my wits end...going stir crazy! I have also begun to cook really good meals to fight off the boredom. That helped at first, but I have slowly lost my desire...but am looking to revive it with some good looking new recipes.
You see, I have enjoyed being home, seeing friends and family, whom I missed dearly on the road, but now the gild is off the lily, and I am really itching to get back out there, the desire to be travelling is mounting, and I cannot shake it...do not want to shake it. Discovery of a foreign place is the one truly great thing I have experienced, and at times, when I am going through a period of stagnation, it feels as though a fist is inside my chest, crushing my heart...I get the Urge For Going, as Joni Mitchell said, and I just have to go.
I will know my future in April...Either I get into school, and in one year I will be able to get a job that will enable me to pursue my passion (no skill is as marketable across the globe as teaching...I have friends in many nations doing just that, having a working holiday), or I do not, in which case I will hit the road again, it is simply a question of where. So I had better get on that second job so that I can finance these dreams! But the waiting to find out right now has left me in a state of limbo, and I am feeling stagnant, and ill-content. It almost feels that those 3 months were a dream, did not really happen, as here I am, back where I started, doing the same work (although less of it), experiencing the same pining to be away from here. A lot has happened since November, and yet nothing has changed. I look to the future now, though, with hope, for whatever it holds, it holds the promise of change, and I need that, one way or another. No regrets...